Reclaiming My Mind, Releasing My Weight, and Returning to Myself Under the Full Moon

Digital Detox and Taking My Mind Back

After cutting back on my social media intake, I felt really good for a few days, even that entire week. The break allowed me to rest my mind and check back in with myself. I realized that not only was my algorithm my downfall, but my overthinking and anxious attachment style were a lethal combination. Stepping away truly did what I needed it to do.

When I came back, I was more intentional. I started rewiring my algorithm and shifting what was being pushed onto my feed. I still have to be mindful of what I consume, and honestly, it can feel exhausting having to decide so quickly whether something deserves my energy. But in a strange way, that awareness has reduced how much I even want to scroll. Less scrolling means less exposure, less comparison, less spiraling. Baby steps, but real ones. Taking control of my mind and what I consume is something worth acknowledging.

When the Full Moon Calls You to Face Yourself

I am not even going to lie to you, the last few weeks have been taking me out. And with this full moon, it felt like I was being spiritually pulled into confrontation with everything I had been avoiding. Full moons are known for illumination and release. They shine a light on what we try to suppress, forcing truth to the surface. Whether you are ready or not, the energy does not play.

This one felt different. It woke me up out of my sleep. Not gently, but with intention. I got up before the sun even rose and sat with myself in the stillness. That early morning energy felt sacred, like the world was quiet just so I could hear my own thoughts clearly. There was no distraction, no noise, just me and everything I had been carrying.

I grabbed my journal and wrote everything out. No filtering, no holding back. Just truth pouring onto paper. Full moon energy is about release, but you cannot release what you refuse to acknowledge. Writing became my way of purging what had been sitting heavy on my mind, body, and spirit.

And the truth is, I have been carrying a lot alone. I have not taken my search for a new therapist as seriously as I should, so everything has been sitting with me. It is heavy not having a space where I can unpack things without judgment. A space where I can be guided, challenged, and supported in a healthy way. Growth is beautiful, but it is also overwhelming when you are navigating new experiences without a map.

When the Body Speaks What the Mind Holds

These last few weeks have been overwhelming on every level. Spiritually, emotionally, and now physically. I ended up with a head cold, which feels almost ironic. Weeks of overthinking, replaying situations, questioning outcomes, wondering what I could have done differently, and creating endless scenarios in my mind. And now my body is reflecting that same congestion.

This cold has been persistent. Normally, I can knock something like this out in a few days with my usual remedies, hydration, and rest. But this one has lingered. It comes in waves. Some days I feel like I am getting better, and then it comes back just as strong. Congestion, pressure, fatigue. No matter what I do, it does not fully leave.

As a spiritual woman, I cannot ignore the connection. My mind has been congested with overthinking, stress, and anxiety. And now my body is mirroring that same stuck energy. Just like my thoughts, this cold refuses to move. It is a reminder that what we hold internally will always find a way to express itself externally.

Healing Without Escape

In my teens and twenties, when life felt overwhelming, I turned to weed and alcohol to numb what I did not want to feel. But at 30, those are no longer my go-to. And the truth is, there is nothing that truly numbs it anymore.

Once you become aware, you cannot go back. Once you know better, you have to do better.

That is the part of healing that people do not talk about enough. There is no escape. No shortcut. No distraction strong enough to override awareness. Being spiritual and committed to healing can sometimes feel like pressure. Like I always need to be fixing something, improving something, working on something.

But that is not the truth.

Sometimes, healing is simply allowing yourself to feel.
I am stressed being a single mother when that was never the plan.
I am overwhelmed carrying everything on my own.
I am anxious when I am left in uncertainty and my mind starts filling in the blanks.

And instead of trying to fix it immediately, I am learning to just sit with it.

Full Moon Release Ritual

So when the full moon woke me up, I listened. I held space for everything I had been avoiding. I cried. I felt it fully. And then I released it.

I wrote down everything I am letting go of, because release requires intention.

I release any situation, person, place, or opportunity that is no longer for me
I release stress
I release anxious attachment to people
I release the anxious thoughts that consume my mind and body
I release illness and stagnant energy
I release any lack mindset
I release the need to constantly be doing
I release the belief that I am never enough
I release the fear of not being fully chosen
I release emotionally unavailable connections

Full moons are not just about letting go. They are about reclaiming your energy. Calling your power back. Choosing yourself again and again.

Choosing Alignment Over Attention

I have really taken myself out of the game. And I mean that. I do not even want to entertain anyone right now.

I am going to be honest. I downloaded a dating app, set up my profile, and within minutes of swiping through two profiles, I deleted it. Immediately. I knew my intentions were not pure. I was trying to fill a void. I wanted attention.

But if I am seeking depth and a genuine connection, I cannot enter a space with shallow intentions. That would make me no different from the experiences I have been trying to heal from.

Given my history with emotionally unavailable men and dishonesty, I refuse to become a reflection of that. So yes, my phone is dry. Very dry. And while that can feel uncomfortable, I would rather sit in that discomfort than entertain something that is not aligned.

I will keep my little crush light and playful in my mind, and I will trust that what is meant for me will find me when the time is right.

Until then, I know there is still work to do within myself. Especially when it comes to my anxious attachment. I want to meet someone from a grounded place, not a place of need.

If the opportunity comes to connect with someone in a real, intentional way, I will be open to practicing what I have learned. But for now, I am taking it one day at a time.

Closing Mantra

What is leaving me is not a loss, it is a clearing
What is meant for me will not require confusion or chasing
I trust the timing of my life even when I cannot see the full picture
I am rooted in myself, guided by peace, and open to what is real

May 3, 2026 0

The Lover Girl Evolves: Loving Without Self Abandonment

Letting the Situation Change Me

I think it is about time that I let the situation change me. And I do not mean that in a bitter way. I mean that with softness, love, and compassion for myself.

Since I opened myself up to dating again and outwardly expressing love in a romantic way, it has felt like lesson after lesson. If you want the tea on dating app catastrophes and my past experiences, scroll back to my earlier blogs. I break down everything I have learned through those situations.

I recently went through another one (yes I know I said I was done but here we are). And this time it took me longer than it should have to see the lesson clearly.

The first thing I had to accept is that I have to stop blaming myself for someone else’s actions and how they chose to treat me. We are all grown. We know exactly what we are doing. We know how we are treating the people we claim to love and care for. Trauma does not excuse it. Religion does not excuse it. Spiritual journeys do not excuse it. Healing timelines do not excuse it.

Especially when there is vulnerability. Especially when I am communicating how I feel. Especially when I am patient.

People know exactly how they are treating you. You should never have to over explain yourself repeatedly. And when someone disrespects you, plays in your face, becomes avoidant, or breadcrumbs you, the first time you notice the pattern you walk away. It is a pattern. And it is a choice.

Too many people preach but do not practice what they preach. There’s no remorse. No accountability. No truth. No conversation just avoidance and silence.

If I had listened to my gut from the beginning and honored my discernment, I would not have attached myself to someone who was not mine to attach to.

Accountability and Spiritual Growth

I will always hold my hand up and say I have been the toxic one before. I have hurt people. I have lied. I have acted selfishly. I own that.

I never tell my story from a place of pride. I tell it because I am living proof that people can change when they truly do the internal work. Therapy. Reflection. Accountability.

Hurt people hurt people. That is real.

Loving others the way you want to be loved is biblical. Loving your neighbor is biblical. I may not know the exact verses, I think it’s something like “Do to others as you would have them do to you” but I know the spirit of it. Walking with God is not about perfection. It is daily practice. It is integrity when no one is watching. It is choosing honesty when it would be easier to avoid it.

Dormant, Not Dead

The lover girl in me is not gone. She is dormant.

Not because she is bitter. Not because she is hardened. But because not everyone has the capacity to cherish that version of me. I keep pouring into people who are not ready to receive it or who do not understand the value that version of me carries.

That does not mean I stop being loving. That does not mean I stop being kind, light filled, and intentional in my daily life. That is my character. That is who I am as a woman. I will not change that because someone failed to appreciate it.

But when it comes to romantic love, I am no longer seeking it. I love myself too much to ever let anyone treat me like an option. Like I am not worthy. Like I am not God’s favorite.

I avoided praying for realignment because I knew it would shift my reality. But once too many tears fell and the cycle of inconsistency, breadcrumbing, push and pull became undeniable, everything I needed to know was revealed to me. I did not have to seek it. It came to me.

My dreams tell me everything. My discernment speaks loudly. My walk with Christ is not about memorizing scripture. It is about living the work. Breathing the healing. Crying when I need to. And still accepting the truth when it is uncomfortable.

Loving Hard With Protection

I love hard. I crave union. I crave connection with my person.

But I have to reel in the lover girl because she gets me stuck. She sees potential. She is patient. She believes in people. She loves deeply.

And while that is beautiful, it can also leave me attached to situations that do not align.

I have to hold my romantic heart closer to me. The love God placed inside me deserves protection. The lover girl will return fully when actions align with words.

I also have to accept my own role in my suffering. The choice was made months ago. I just did not want to accept it.

Closure Is Not Required

Closure is not needed to move on. They do not owe you an explanation. And no matter how badly you want the truth, you may never get it.

And that is okay.

If I waited my whole life for apologies or clarity, I would still be the broken woman I was years ago chasing something that was never meant for me.

The Standard Moving Forward

My man will respect me. He will cherish me. He will be honest and transparent even when it is uncomfortable. He will be consistent. He will show effort. He will add to my life, not drain me or leave me confused and anxious.

No obstacle, excuse, silence, or avoidance will overpower what is meant for me. God and choosing each other daily will be the center of our foundation.

Protection, Not Bitterness

This shift is protection.

At the end of the day, people move on. They build rosters. They choose the next. And when they do not choose you, you and God are left to pick up the pieces and heal again.

I want to move with love and intention but with a healthy level of protection over my soft heart. The streets are not for me. I am meant to be soft. Meant to be a lover girl for my man.

But there is a process that has to take place before that softness is safe.

I am patient enough. I love myself enough to wait. I am not searching anymore. The love I keep trying to receive from others, I will pour back into myself.

I will start over as many times as necessary until I get it right. The key is learning the lessons and refusing to repeat the cycles.

If you are not going to better my life, leave me alone.

If you are not going to treat me properly, leave me alone.

If you are unsure about me, leave me alone.

If I am not what you are looking for, leave me alone.

I am not for everyone. And that is okay. But stop hurting good women who are actually trying to do things right. If you are not ready, find someone at your pace. And when you are ready, come with full effort.

Until then, leave us lover girls alone.

Sincerely,

Former Lover Girl💋

February 22, 2026 0

For the Lover Girls

By the time you are reading this, it’s the day after Valentine’s Day — and no, it’s not “side chick day” or the day for leftover lover girls. No. I’m reclaiming this holiday. For me, it’s Lover Girl Day — every day.

Because loving deeply is not seasonal. It’s not embarrassing. It’s not foolish. It’s sacred.

Sometimes I wonder — am I a lover girl… or am I simply a woman who wants to be loved correctly?

Instead of praying for God to remove what is not for me, I’m choosing to pray forward now. To pray for what I am ready to welcome. I trust that God’s plan is always more accurate than my desires — but I also believe He honors a heart that speaks honestly about what it longs for.

So this is my honest prayer. And maybe, my honest letter to you.

I want a love that is patient. Gentle in tone. Steady in presence.

I want to feel seen, heard, and deeply valued — not occasionally, but consistently.

I want a love that makes my nervous system feel safe. Where my body can exhale.

I want a love where I am loved for who I am — not reshaped into someone more convenient.

I want romance that is thoughtful. Intentional. Alive.

Not performative — but natural.

The kind where sweetness isn’t forced — it flows.

I want a love that nurtures, builds, and grows with me — not around me.

A love that is mutual, never begged for.

A love where effort is not negotiated — it is given freely.

I want a love that feels like part of God’s purpose — not a distraction from it.

A love where God is not invited in emergencies — but centered daily.

A love where I am valued in mind, body, and spirit.

I want to never question where I stand with you.

Never decode silence.

Never shrink to be chosen.

I want a love that feels pure. Natural. Good.

A love that wraps around me in softness, warmth, and comfort — not confusion.

And on the hard days — because they will come —

I want a love that always finds its way back to each other.

Not through ego. Through grace.

I want a love that chooses me — every single time.

I am, and will always be, a hopeless romantic — not because I am naive, but because I am faithful.

For the lover girls who still love love even when the world has tried to harden them — this is our rebellion.

Faith and fear sit on the same spectrum — and I choose faith now.

I choose love now.

I choose softness with discernment.

I choose to believe that the love I give will return to me — multiplied, matured, and God-aligned.

And if you are the one reading this someday as my answered prayer —

handle my heart gently.

It is strong — but it is soft on purpose

Asé

February 15, 2026 0

When Healing Still Hurts: Letting Go, Letting God, and Learning to Receive Love

Sometimes we are left without any real answers, and you find yourself going back and forth with God asking, “Why?” Why did this happen? What was I supposed to learn from this? Why would you put this person in my life if you were just going to take them away?

A lot of the time, we’re told not to question God, the Most High, the universe, or whatever higher power we believe in. But I do. Because sometimes I genuinely don’t understand what is happening to me or for me. Right now, I don’t even know what lesson I’m supposed to gain from this. I just feel heartbreak. I feel the loss of potential. The grief of what could have been, what felt like it was meant to be, but isn’t. Because here we are again.

This time, instead of asking him why, I’m asking God why.

Maybe as time passes and the pain subsides, I’ll be able to see this from another perspective. Maybe I’ll hear God more clearly when my mind settles and the vision I had for myself fades. For now, I think all I can do is allow time to pass and let God take control. To finally let go and let God do His thing. Because honestly, that’s all I have left in me. I don’t have it in me to keep trying to do things my way anymore.

The life I imagine for myself doesn’t compare to the plans God may have for me, so I’m choosing to trust that every redirection is for my greater good. When I don’t understand something, I feel the urge to ask why. But if I’m not in the right headspace to receive the answer, is it even worth asking? Is it sometimes better to sit in the unknown? Does it hurt less? I don’t really know, but I’m going to find out.

Taking Space to Recenter

For the next month, I’m intentionally disconnecting so I can recenter myself. I don’t really know what else to do. Part of me wants to isolate and cut everyone off, but I know that urge comes from the unhealed avoidant part of me, and I don’t want to feed that. Still, I need space. Because what do you do when it feels like nothing is working?

I’ve spent years healing. Therapy. Isolation. Journaling. Working on myself. Changing my environment. Letting go of what no longer served me. Cleaning my life from the inside out. And the moment I opened my heart again, it felt like more disappointment, more heartbreak, more lessons stacked on top of lessons.

There have been beautiful moments. I won’t deny that. But our minds tend to focus on the negative more than the good, and I need to work harder at shifting my mindset. I want to believe in a life where I can be loved fully, openly, and without hesitation. We all deserve love, joy, health, peace, favor, and prosperity, but we also have to show up for the life we say we want.

Resetting My Mind, My Energy, and My Focus

This next season means disconnecting from social media in a healthier way. I’ll still post my blogs and check in occasionally, but I won’t be mindlessly scrolling or consuming everyone else’s opinions about love and relationships. Sometimes social media gives us too much access to people and too much outside influence. I found myself consuming endless relationship content and letting it cloud my intuition, pulling me further away from myself. I want to return to my own voice and my own truth.

I’m getting back into journaling. I’m looking for a new therapist. I’m also being honest about how lonely this journey can feel. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, and sometimes it feels like I don’t have anyone to really talk to about this. Creating this blog has helped me, and I hope it helps others who feel alone or who carry their pain without a healthy outlet.

Rebuilding Hope, Slowly and Intentionally

I’m also starting a weekly blessings jar. Every week, I’ll write down at least one good thing that happened to me or something I’m grateful for. My hope is that when New Year’s Eve comes, instead of crying over heartbreak, I’ll be reading proof of how God showed up for me throughout the year.

I’m recommitting to my health and fitness too. I’ve been eating better, but I need to start moving my body again. At least thirty minutes a day, a few times a week. It’s time to lock in.

But most importantly, for the next few weeks, I’m giving myself permission to be still. Outside of work and being a mom, I don’t want to force productivity. I want rest. Quiet. Prayer. Time with God. I want to leave my burdens at His feet and not pick them back up.

One thing about me is I will start over as many times as I need to until I get it right.

I may not understand the path yet, but I trust the One who wrote it — and that is enough for me to keep going.

Release. Rest. Realign. Repeat

Asé

February 1, 2026 0