The Lesson Keeps Repeating Until You Learn

Why Does It Feel So Heavy?

Every time I beg God to give me a break, it feels like He doubles down on me instead.

The moment I feel like I finally have a grip on my journey, my purpose, my relationships, my work life, or my emotions, something comes along to shake the table again. It feels like there are lessons coming from every direction all at once.

But maybe that is the lesson.

Maybe growth is not supposed to feel comfortable.
Maybe healing is not just isolation and journaling and praying.
Maybe healing is also being placed back into rooms with people who test your patience, test your boundaries, test your throat chakra, and test whether you are truly going to stand up for yourself this time.

Because how else are we supposed to grow unless life gives us opportunities to apply what we claim we learned?

Standing In My Truth

One of the biggest things I have been facing lately is learning how to stand ten toes down in rooms with people who may not like me, talk about me, complain about me, lie on me, watch me closely, or secretly hope I stay stuck so I never surpass them.

And the truth is, I do not shrink myself anymore.

I spent most of my life being a people pleaser.
Choosing silence over honesty.
Making myself smaller so everyone else could feel comfortable around me.

That is not who I am anymore.

Now I show up as my full authentic self everywhere I go. Whoever does not like that is simply not my problem.

The moment someone starts moving weird toward me, I reclaim my energy immediately. My intuition is rarely wrong and I have learned to trust what I feel instead of waiting for proof to validate it.

I can be around you without allowing you access to me.
I can be cordial without inviting you into my personal space.
I can love people from a distance while still protecting my peace.

And what people fail to understand is that there does not always have to be some huge argument or dramatic fallout for me to distance myself.

Sometimes I simply observe.
I pay attention.
I notice when actions stop matching words.
And once I see enough, I move accordingly.

Quietly.

Protecting My Energy

I have worked too hard on myself to keep entertaining certain energies.

I do not align myself with jealous women, constant negativity, manipulative people, chronic complainers, habitual liars, or people who spend all day gossiping about others instead of working on themselves.

Do not get me wrong, everybody loves a little tea sometimes. But if all someone talks about is other people, eventually you realize it comes from bitterness, insecurity, or projection.

If I feel like I cannot trust you, why would I continue giving you access to my inner world?

Why would I tell you my dreams, my plans, or the things that actually matter to me?

These days I have mastered keeping certain relationships surface level. Calm. Friendly. Respectful. But limited.

Because everybody does not deserve full access to me anymore.

Learning How To Release

Lately my emotions have been all over the place.

One day I feel like I am completely crashing out and the next day I sit there asking myself what I am even stressing over because deep down I already know everything is working out for me.

I know I am blessed.
I know God has carried me this far for a reason.
I know my life is shifting.

But overthinking still gets the best of me sometimes.

The difference now is that I no longer try to suppress what I feel. I let myself release it.

Sometimes that looks like crying.
Sometimes it looks like journaling.
Sometimes it looks like praying.
Sometimes it looks like finally speaking up about what has been bothering me.
Sometimes it looks like moving my body and letting the energy leave through movement.

And honestly, that has been changing my life lately.

I recently took my first hot yoga class and I loved every single minute of it. Even more than Pilates.

There was something so grounding about it.
So intentional.
So freeing.

Now I want to try regular yoga, hot Pilates, aerial silks, and bungee classes too. I want to explore new ways to move my body outside of just strength training.

And truthfully, I think those classes are attracting my kind of people.
People searching for more.
People trying to reconnect with themselves.
People wanting peace instead of performance.

Even if it is eight in the morning on a Wednesday, those are my people.

Realigning With My Purpose

Recently it feels like I keep meeting people who are living parts of the life I dream about.

People who found their way out of survival mode.
People who stepped outside of the traditional rat race.
People who created lives that actually feel aligned instead of just socially acceptable.

And every time I meet someone like that, it feels intentional.

Like God keeps placing reminders in front of me so I do not forget what I truly want for myself.

Because a while back, despite everything looking good on the outside, I still felt empty.

I had my own place.
A new car.
Two jobs.
I was supporting myself and my daughter.
Working out consistently.
Eating well.
Showing up.
Handling responsibilities.

From the outside, everything looked successful.

But internally something still felt missing.

And I realized it was because I had drifted away from my why.

I got so caught up in surviving the day to day routine that I stopped nurturing the bigger vision I originally had for my life.

Delayed Does Not Mean Denied

Now that some time has passed, I keep receiving little nudges reminding me that I need to move differently.

More quietly.
More intentionally.
More protected.

I have also realized that I talk too much sometimes.

Every time I announce something too early, somehow the energy around it shifts before it fully materializes. So lately I have been learning to keep certain things sacred until they are solidified.

Not everything needs an audience while it is growing.

And maybe that lesson ties into patience too.

Because just because I want something badly does not mean I am fully prepared to receive and maintain it yet.

There were seasons where my desire for the blessing was stronger than my readiness to sustain it.

And that is where patience comes in.

I still have moments where I crash out over not having what I want when I want it.
I still get frustrated.
I still spiral sometimes.

But deep down I know waiting has purpose.

The things meant for me will not miss me.
And what God is preparing for me will require a version of me mature enough to maintain it, multiply it, and protect it.

So for now I am learning to release control.
Learning to stop forcing timelines.
Learning to let go and let God.

Closing Mantra:

I trust that every delay, every lesson, and every redirection is shaping me into the version of myself capable of sustaining the life I pray for. I no longer chase what is meant for me in fear. I move with faith, discernment, and patience knowing that what belongs to me will arrive in divine timing and remain rooted in peace.