The Lover Girl Evolves: Loving Without Self Abandonment

Letting the Situation Change Me

I think it is about time that I let the situation change me. And I do not mean that in a bitter way. I mean that with softness, love, and compassion for myself.

Since I opened myself up to dating again and outwardly expressing love in a romantic way, it has felt like lesson after lesson. If you want the tea on dating app catastrophes and my past experiences, scroll back to my earlier blogs. I break down everything I have learned through those situations.

I recently went through another one (yes I know I said I was done but here we are). And this time it took me longer than it should have to see the lesson clearly.

The first thing I had to accept is that I have to stop blaming myself for someone else’s actions and how they chose to treat me. We are all grown. We know exactly what we are doing. We know how we are treating the people we claim to love and care for. Trauma does not excuse it. Religion does not excuse it. Spiritual journeys do not excuse it. Healing timelines do not excuse it.

Especially when there is vulnerability. Especially when I am communicating how I feel. Especially when I am patient.

People know exactly how they are treating you. You should never have to over explain yourself repeatedly. And when someone disrespects you, plays in your face, becomes avoidant, or breadcrumbs you, the first time you notice the pattern you walk away. It is a pattern. And it is a choice.

Too many people preach but do not practice what they preach. There’s no remorse. No accountability. No truth. No conversation just avoidance and silence.

If I had listened to my gut from the beginning and honored my discernment, I would not have attached myself to someone who was not mine to attach to.

Accountability and Spiritual Growth

I will always hold my hand up and say I have been the toxic one before. I have hurt people. I have lied. I have acted selfishly. I own that.

I never tell my story from a place of pride. I tell it because I am living proof that people can change when they truly do the internal work. Therapy. Reflection. Accountability.

Hurt people hurt people. That is real.

Loving others the way you want to be loved is biblical. Loving your neighbor is biblical. I may not know the exact verses, I think it’s something like “Do to others as you would have them do to you” but I know the spirit of it. Walking with God is not about perfection. It is daily practice. It is integrity when no one is watching. It is choosing honesty when it would be easier to avoid it.

Dormant, Not Dead

The lover girl in me is not gone. She is dormant.

Not because she is bitter. Not because she is hardened. But because not everyone has the capacity to cherish that version of me. I keep pouring into people who are not ready to receive it or who do not understand the value that version of me carries.

That does not mean I stop being loving. That does not mean I stop being kind, light filled, and intentional in my daily life. That is my character. That is who I am as a woman. I will not change that because someone failed to appreciate it.

But when it comes to romantic love, I am no longer seeking it. I love myself too much to ever let anyone treat me like an option. Like I am not worthy. Like I am not God’s favorite.

I avoided praying for realignment because I knew it would shift my reality. But once too many tears fell and the cycle of inconsistency, breadcrumbing, push and pull became undeniable, everything I needed to know was revealed to me. I did not have to seek it. It came to me.

My dreams tell me everything. My discernment speaks loudly. My walk with Christ is not about memorizing scripture. It is about living the work. Breathing the healing. Crying when I need to. And still accepting the truth when it is uncomfortable.

Loving Hard With Protection

I love hard. I crave union. I crave connection with my person.

But I have to reel in the lover girl because she gets me stuck. She sees potential. She is patient. She believes in people. She loves deeply.

And while that is beautiful, it can also leave me attached to situations that do not align.

I have to hold my romantic heart closer to me. The love God placed inside me deserves protection. The lover girl will return fully when actions align with words.

I also have to accept my own role in my suffering. The choice was made months ago. I just did not want to accept it.

Closure Is Not Required

Closure is not needed to move on. They do not owe you an explanation. And no matter how badly you want the truth, you may never get it.

And that is okay.

If I waited my whole life for apologies or clarity, I would still be the broken woman I was years ago chasing something that was never meant for me.

The Standard Moving Forward

My man will respect me. He will cherish me. He will be honest and transparent even when it is uncomfortable. He will be consistent. He will show effort. He will add to my life, not drain me or leave me confused and anxious.

No obstacle, excuse, silence, or avoidance will overpower what is meant for me. God and choosing each other daily will be the center of our foundation.

Protection, Not Bitterness

This shift is protection.

At the end of the day, people move on. They build rosters. They choose the next. And when they do not choose you, you and God are left to pick up the pieces and heal again.

I want to move with love and intention but with a healthy level of protection over my soft heart. The streets are not for me. I am meant to be soft. Meant to be a lover girl for my man.

But there is a process that has to take place before that softness is safe.

I am patient enough. I love myself enough to wait. I am not searching anymore. The love I keep trying to receive from others, I will pour back into myself.

I will start over as many times as necessary until I get it right. The key is learning the lessons and refusing to repeat the cycles.

If you are not going to better my life, leave me alone.

If you are not going to treat me properly, leave me alone.

If you are unsure about me, leave me alone.

If I am not what you are looking for, leave me alone.

I am not for everyone. And that is okay. But stop hurting good women who are actually trying to do things right. If you are not ready, find someone at your pace. And when you are ready, come with full effort.

Until then, leave us lover girls alone.

Sincerely,

Former Lover Girl💋

February 22, 2026 0

For the Lover Girls

By the time you are reading this, it’s the day after Valentine’s Day — and no, it’s not “side chick day” or the day for leftover lover girls. No. I’m reclaiming this holiday. For me, it’s Lover Girl Day — every day.

Because loving deeply is not seasonal. It’s not embarrassing. It’s not foolish. It’s sacred.

Sometimes I wonder — am I a lover girl… or am I simply a woman who wants to be loved correctly?

Instead of praying for God to remove what is not for me, I’m choosing to pray forward now. To pray for what I am ready to welcome. I trust that God’s plan is always more accurate than my desires — but I also believe He honors a heart that speaks honestly about what it longs for.

So this is my honest prayer. And maybe, my honest letter to you.

I want a love that is patient. Gentle in tone. Steady in presence.

I want to feel seen, heard, and deeply valued — not occasionally, but consistently.

I want a love that makes my nervous system feel safe. Where my body can exhale.

I want a love where I am loved for who I am — not reshaped into someone more convenient.

I want romance that is thoughtful. Intentional. Alive.

Not performative — but natural.

The kind where sweetness isn’t forced — it flows.

I want a love that nurtures, builds, and grows with me — not around me.

A love that is mutual, never begged for.

A love where effort is not negotiated — it is given freely.

I want a love that feels like part of God’s purpose — not a distraction from it.

A love where God is not invited in emergencies — but centered daily.

A love where I am valued in mind, body, and spirit.

I want to never question where I stand with you.

Never decode silence.

Never shrink to be chosen.

I want a love that feels pure. Natural. Good.

A love that wraps around me in softness, warmth, and comfort — not confusion.

And on the hard days — because they will come —

I want a love that always finds its way back to each other.

Not through ego. Through grace.

I want a love that chooses me — every single time.

I am, and will always be, a hopeless romantic — not because I am naive, but because I am faithful.

For the lover girls who still love love even when the world has tried to harden them — this is our rebellion.

Faith and fear sit on the same spectrum — and I choose faith now.

I choose love now.

I choose softness with discernment.

I choose to believe that the love I give will return to me — multiplied, matured, and God-aligned.

And if you are the one reading this someday as my answered prayer —

handle my heart gently.

It is strong — but it is soft on purpose

Asé

February 15, 2026 0

When Healing Still Hurts: Letting Go, Letting God, and Learning to Receive Love

Sometimes we are left without any real answers, and you find yourself going back and forth with God asking, “Why?” Why did this happen? What was I supposed to learn from this? Why would you put this person in my life if you were just going to take them away?

A lot of the time, we’re told not to question God, the Most High, the universe, or whatever higher power we believe in. But I do. Because sometimes I genuinely don’t understand what is happening to me or for me. Right now, I don’t even know what lesson I’m supposed to gain from this. I just feel heartbreak. I feel the loss of potential. The grief of what could have been, what felt like it was meant to be, but isn’t. Because here we are again.

This time, instead of asking him why, I’m asking God why.

Maybe as time passes and the pain subsides, I’ll be able to see this from another perspective. Maybe I’ll hear God more clearly when my mind settles and the vision I had for myself fades. For now, I think all I can do is allow time to pass and let God take control. To finally let go and let God do His thing. Because honestly, that’s all I have left in me. I don’t have it in me to keep trying to do things my way anymore.

The life I imagine for myself doesn’t compare to the plans God may have for me, so I’m choosing to trust that every redirection is for my greater good. When I don’t understand something, I feel the urge to ask why. But if I’m not in the right headspace to receive the answer, is it even worth asking? Is it sometimes better to sit in the unknown? Does it hurt less? I don’t really know, but I’m going to find out.

Taking Space to Recenter

For the next month, I’m intentionally disconnecting so I can recenter myself. I don’t really know what else to do. Part of me wants to isolate and cut everyone off, but I know that urge comes from the unhealed avoidant part of me, and I don’t want to feed that. Still, I need space. Because what do you do when it feels like nothing is working?

I’ve spent years healing. Therapy. Isolation. Journaling. Working on myself. Changing my environment. Letting go of what no longer served me. Cleaning my life from the inside out. And the moment I opened my heart again, it felt like more disappointment, more heartbreak, more lessons stacked on top of lessons.

There have been beautiful moments. I won’t deny that. But our minds tend to focus on the negative more than the good, and I need to work harder at shifting my mindset. I want to believe in a life where I can be loved fully, openly, and without hesitation. We all deserve love, joy, health, peace, favor, and prosperity, but we also have to show up for the life we say we want.

Resetting My Mind, My Energy, and My Focus

This next season means disconnecting from social media in a healthier way. I’ll still post my blogs and check in occasionally, but I won’t be mindlessly scrolling or consuming everyone else’s opinions about love and relationships. Sometimes social media gives us too much access to people and too much outside influence. I found myself consuming endless relationship content and letting it cloud my intuition, pulling me further away from myself. I want to return to my own voice and my own truth.

I’m getting back into journaling. I’m looking for a new therapist. I’m also being honest about how lonely this journey can feel. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, and sometimes it feels like I don’t have anyone to really talk to about this. Creating this blog has helped me, and I hope it helps others who feel alone or who carry their pain without a healthy outlet.

Rebuilding Hope, Slowly and Intentionally

I’m also starting a weekly blessings jar. Every week, I’ll write down at least one good thing that happened to me or something I’m grateful for. My hope is that when New Year’s Eve comes, instead of crying over heartbreak, I’ll be reading proof of how God showed up for me throughout the year.

I’m recommitting to my health and fitness too. I’ve been eating better, but I need to start moving my body again. At least thirty minutes a day, a few times a week. It’s time to lock in.

But most importantly, for the next few weeks, I’m giving myself permission to be still. Outside of work and being a mom, I don’t want to force productivity. I want rest. Quiet. Prayer. Time with God. I want to leave my burdens at His feet and not pick them back up.

One thing about me is I will start over as many times as I need to until I get it right.

I may not understand the path yet, but I trust the One who wrote it — and that is enough for me to keep going.

Release. Rest. Realign. Repeat

Asé

February 1, 2026 0