I Will Not Shrink to Be Loved

Remembering Who I Am

Sometimes you have to go through some wild shit to come to a point where you remember who the fuck you are.

As I’m getting ready to take my first solo trip, I had to realize that there is so much more to life than the daily hustle, the routine, and the bullshit we go through. When you really look at the bigger picture, there is so much more in life to look forward to.

Honestly, I needed this time to myself. I need to really start prioritizing me.

And while my daughter is on a visit with her dad… I’m in Miami.

Learning to Let Go Without Losing Myself

As my daughter gets older, I’ve had to face a fear that used to live in me. Sending her away to her dad used to feel paralyzing at times.

But one thing is for sure, I’m raising a strong minded princess. I know she can handle herself. And more than anything, she has a powerful, spiritual mama who is always praying over her.

Over time, that fear has eased. But if I’m being honest, I was still holding on in other ways. Working, worrying, counting down the days until she came back home.

Now I’m learning something all over again. I am not just a mother. I am a woman. I am a person with needs, desires, and a life of my own.

Just like I reclaimed my body after having my daughter, I’m reclaiming being a sensual and free single woman.

Allowing Myself to Live

So what happens in Miami stays in Miami… except for my best friend, because she’s getting all the tea and has my location on lock.

I don’t really have a plan. I’ve got swimsuits, sexy dresses, a body that’s tea, and an open energy to see where this trip takes me.

Be prepared to be sick of me, because I need this trip. I deserve this trip. I need this time to do nothing but make sure I am enjoying my life.

Of course I’m moving smart, being aware of my surroundings, watching my drinks. But I’m also here to have a time. That’s the vibe.

People Will Always Misunderstand You

It’s really interesting to see people’s emotional capacity and awareness.

There will always be people who judge you based on a version of you that isn’t even real. But at the end of the day, that’s not my business. That’s not my concern.

People will create narratives about who you are because it makes them feel better about themselves or about how they showed up in your life.

And I truly believe, when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.

You cannot expect someone who met you in chapter 30 to understand what it took to survive chapter 25.

They didn’t see the version of you that had to fight to get out of depression, out of pain, out of cycles and generational trauma. They didn’t see the moments where you were so lost you didn’t even know if you would come back from it.

So when I show up today, secure in who I am, I stand on that. Ten toes down.

I Know My Worth and My Body Is Not All I Offer

I’ve worked my ass off to get to this point in my life. Mind, body, and spirit.

So yes, when I show up confidently in my body, restarting my fitness journey again, I’m going to show it off. Because I can.

I earned this. I worked for this. I fought to feel good in the skin I’m in.

That does not erase the fact that I spent years healing my body from physical and emotional trauma.

And I don’t owe anyone an explanation for how I choose to show up.

I am proud of my body. And that does not mean that’s all I have to offer.

I went years choosing myself. No dating, no distractions, no intimacy. Just me and my relationship with God, learning discipline and healing.

I am a grown woman. I can be sensual without giving access to my body. Who I allow into my space, into my energy, into my experience, is my choice.

Let Them Have Their Version

After deep reflection, I’ve realized something.

I am different. I am layered. I am meant to be.

Not everyone is going to understand me, and not everyone is meant to. The people who are aligned with me will get to know me over time.

Time is one of the most valuable things we have, yet we don’t appreciate it enough. It can be taken from us, or it can be the greatest gift we experience.

And I’ve learned not to give my time or my energy to people who choose to misunderstand me.

It’s getting easier to let go. To detach. To allow people to believe whatever version of me they need to.

Because their reality is not mine.

Choosing Me, Over and Over Again

I will continue to go after the life I desire. Call it delusional if you want.

At the end of the day, I know who I am. I know my heart. I know my intentions are pure.

I am not perfect. I am still growing. I still make mistakes. But I learn, I evolve, and I keep going.

I am a walking testimony. And I know there are people out there who will need to hear my story. Who will see themselves in my journey. Who will find strength in my growth through the uncomfortable, painful, and beautiful moments of life.

This Miami trip is just the beginning. A stepping stone in choosing myself and creating the life I desire, even as that vision continues to evolve.

I can be a baddie, spiritual, a mother, a friend, and a partner. I can embody all parts of who I am.

Fully. Freely. Unapologetically.

And I will never shrink or dim my light for anyone.

Ever.

Closing Affirmation:

I am not for everyone, and that is my power. The right people will recognize my value without me shrinking.