I Have Never Read the Bible and I Still Found My Way to God

I want to have an honest moment right now. I have never read the Bible from beginning to end. I know I call myself a spiritual baddie, but I did not grow up with deep religious knowledge or personal study of scripture.

Let me give some context.

Growing up in Jamaica, like many Caribbean households, church was simply what you did. Every Sabbath, like clockwork, you were in church praising God. I was too young to remember most of those days myself, but I was always told I somehow found my way to the church people with the snacks. That part sounds about right.

When my family immigrated to the United States, that consistency faded. My grandmother remained the only one who stayed devoted to attending church regularly. My sister and I went for a while, but once we got older, we both decided it did not feel aligned for us anymore.

I always carried a quiet discomfort in church spaces. I struggled with the contradiction of people who preached holiness out loud but lived differently in private. I know not everyone is like that, but it affected how seriously I could receive guidance. As I have grown in my healing and spiritual journey, I realized something important. I no longer take deep spiritual advice from people whose lives do not reflect the fruit of what they teach. Not from judgment, but from discernment.

For years I looked outward for wisdom. I put people on pedestals. I thought insight only came from titles, positions, or loud voices. Eventually I learned that alignment matters more than appearance.

I went to church until about age fifteen mostly out of duty, not devotion. I did not feel closer to Christ. I felt condemned more than connected. I felt restricted and quietly ashamed. So I did what I used to do best. I shut down. I showed up physically but not spiritually. I was not absorbing sermons. I was not reading scripture. I could not quote verses. I was present but not engaged.

So yes, I can say honestly that I never truly read the Bible in my early life.

Ironically, it was spiritual warfare that pushed me to finally open it later. Pain became my invitation. Crisis became my doorway. Many people come to God through comfort. Some of us come through fire.

Over the last year I have read more spiritual material and scripture than I did in the previous twenty years combined. Not because of pressure, but because of hunger.

I share this because everyone’s walk with God looks different. Some call Him God. Some say the Most High. Some say Source or the Universe. Even now there are moments I feel insecure that I cannot quote scripture easily. I had to catch myself shaming myself. God was not shaming me. I was.

Knowing verses is not the same as living truth.

As scripture reminds us, “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

There are people who know scripture front to back and still do not live with love, integrity, or humility. I am not claiming righteousness or perfection. I am saying that even without deep biblical scholarship, I still choose to live consciously and morally. I believe in consequence. I believe that what we sow we reap. I believe mercy is real and so is accountability.

As one spiritual teacher phrase puts it, “It is not about perfection. It is about direction.”

My direction is toward God.

Prayer is my anchor. I pray about everything. Before decisions. Before travel. Before meals. Over my daughter. Over my workplace. Over strangers. Over my own thoughts. I speak to God all day long in small, ordinary moments. I do not treat prayer like an emergency hotline. I treat it like an ongoing conversation.

Brother Lawrence, a Christian mystic, called this “practicing the presence of God” in everyday tasks. That is exactly what it feels like.

I talk to God like a friend because relationship is what I was seeking, not performance. I was not taught how to build that relationship in a way that felt alive to me, so I learned how to speak to Him directly. Honestly. Imperfectly. Frequently.

God is not distant to me. God is not just a figure in the sky. God is presence, breath, conscience, creation, order, and love moving through all things. Scripture says the kingdom of God is within you. Many spiritual teachers echo this truth. The divine is not only above us but also within us.

My devotion looks like this. Loving myself. Caring for my body as a temple. Living honestly. Admitting when I am wrong. Repenting when I fall short. Recalibrating when I drift.

Healing and holiness both require humility. As Thomas Merton wrote, “The spiritual life is not about becoming someone different. It is about becoming who you truly are.”

Let us also talk about sin in a way that is often misunderstood. The original meaning of sin is to miss the mark. It is not identity. It is direction. It is misalignment, not permanent condemnation. It is a signal, not a life sentence.

Shame says you are broken. Spirit says you are being called back into alignment.

Many modern spiritual writers and even theologians agree on this. Sin is separation from love and truth. Redemption is returning to it.

This blog is not about tearing down religion. It is about finding my way back to God through authenticity. Through openness of mind, body, and spirit. Through lived experience, not just inherited tradition.

Faith is often called delusion by those who do not feel it. But faith is simply trust in what you cannot yet see. Even Jesus said faith the size of a mustard seed is enough.

When I pray for removal of what is not aligned with my life, the answers come quickly. Sometimes uncomfortably fast. Relationships shift. Masks fall. Doors close. That is not punishment. That is protection.

I choose to live in love and light not because I am naive but because I am intentional. My intentions are not always perfectly executed, but they are sincere. Every day I choose again. Some days that choice is easy. Some days all I can say is, God, I am tired. Thank you anyway.

Gratitude is still prayer.

I cannot force my faith onto anyone else. I can only live it. Practice it. Refine it. I make uncomfortable changes because I never want to return to who I was when I was disconnected from myself and from God.

My path is simple. Evolve. Grow. Learn. Teach. Repeat.

Closing Mantra:

I do not walk perfectly but I walk prayerfully. I return to God daily, honestly, and willingly. Alignment over appearance. Relationship over religion. Growth over guilt.