By the time this blog finds you, it will officially be 2026.
How insane is it that 2025 came and went — and here we are, standing at the very first chapter of a brand-new era?
So let’s talk about love, lust, and exactly what I’m calling into my love life in 2026.
Before I dive into the nitty-gritty, let’s take a step back.
As early as I can remember — maybe around 16 — I was lusted after. Groomed. Conditioned to feel desired by older men who had their eyes on me. I didn’t know any different. And like any immature, love-starved teenage girl or young woman, I welcomed those men into my life.
Looking back now, I see them for exactly what they were: predators. Master manipulators. Men willing to do anything to sink their teeth into someone young, naive, and unaware.
That pattern looped… and looped… and looped again — until it led to the most detrimental break of who I was.
I had been pulled so far away from myself that I could feel my spirit being crushed under the weight of wanting to be loved, wanted, chosen. I wanted my happily-ever-after so badly that I accepted any version of what I thought love was.
But none of it was love.
It was lust.
It was what they could see in me that I couldn’t yet see in myself. They wanted my light. My purity. My softness. My youth. My ambition. My ability to love and nourish naturally.
They wanted the light I carried.
I became the placeholder — the anchor keeping them from going over the edge. I attracted damaged men who needed love, softness, patience. Men who wanted someone controllable, immature, and unaware of the mental games being played.
Was it always intentional? No. But was most of it? Absolutely.
It was always about how much they could take from me before I caught on — or before they were done.
Being lusted over is nothing new to me.
And now, with my Hinge profile getting the majority of attention based on my photos, that dynamic has only intensified. Even on days when I don’t feel like the most beautiful woman in the world — even when I’m not trying to glorify my physical presence — I know I am beautiful. And yes, the body is tea, okayyy.
But after the growth I’ve done over the last few years, I am completely turned off by men who think they can just yap in my face about how attractive I am or all the things they want to do to me.
I didn’t make it three years celibate because I didn’t have options.
It was a choice.
And trust me — it could have been broken easily if these men knew how to hold a conversation, show genuine interest, and actually listen when I said I wanted connection first.
Give it a few conversations, and their true intentions always reveal themselves.
I’m wide awake now. And I’m ready to love again — on my terms.
2026 is my receiving era.
This is the year of:
Passenger princess energy Gift giving Healthy obsession with me A provider A man rooted in his full masculine energy
A man who allows me to be soft because he is solid.
I’ve given men versions of myself meant to save them from themselves. But who was there to save me?
That’s the love I had to learn how to give myself first.
And now that I’ve reached a place where I can truly open my heart again, I will only welcome a man who loves himself enough not to project his insecurities onto me — or use me as an escape from the demons he refuses to face.
I may have been a fool then. But the woman I am now? I can see you.
I can read energy. And if I don’t get a clear read, my spirit team will make it loud. And please don’t let me pray for God to reveal you — because He will. And when He does, I don’t hesitate. I leave.
I might be mad. I might talk my shit. But I move.
I do not repeat cycles that delay my purpose — especially not for a man.
There is a balance in love. Being someone’s safe space is beautiful. Being an anchor can be sacred. But there is a difference between partnership and being someone’s refuge.
I’m no longer interested in being chosen because of how I make a man feel.
The question I will always hold space for now is: Does he want me — or does he want the version of himself that exists when I’m around?
Time always tells.
I’m dating slowly. Intentionally. And with the right man, the fundamentals — respect, honesty, effort — won’t have to be begged for. They will be reciprocated naturally.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned was surviving a narcissistic, abusive relationship and choosing myself.
No matter how many times I have to start over, I will choose me.
This healing journey isn’t about becoming hardened or bitter. It’s about becoming the best version of myself without letting what I’ve been through define how I love.
Even now, when I feel ready, old cycles try to resurface. But every experience brings me closer — to my person, my people, my community.
I’m learning to take life one day at a time. To accept things as they are — not as I wish they were. And most importantly…
To trust God’s plan for me.
Diary of a Self- Lover 
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