New Year, New Focus (and a Soft Goodbye)

I originally had a different blog ready to post. I usually like to write a few weeks behind real time—purely to protect my energy and give myself space to process what I’m going through. It allows me time to sit with my emotions, understand the lesson, and move with intention instead of reaction.

But this one came out of nowhere.

And yes—the lover girl in me cried. Real tears. At this point, you should know I’m a crier, okay? So let’s just jump right in.

I started the New Year unexpectedly single. Not exactly how I envisioned welcoming 2026—especially after New Year’s Eve plans quietly dissolved into silence. So much for sitting under a table eating my 12 grapes, praying for love, abundance, health, and protection.

Though, if I’m being honest… I did receive all of that. Just not in the romantic form I was hoping for.

A Year Worth Celebrating

When I zoom out, this past year was actually incredibly powerful for me.

My health alone feels like a miracle. I spent the end of 2024 and the beginning of 2025 extremely sick—flu after flu, month after month, with no clear answers. My immune system felt completely depleted. But I made it through. I’m healthy now—mind, body, and spirit. I’m back in the gym, meditating, exploring Pilates and yoga, and committing to caring for myself in ways that feel sustainable and loving. 2026 is the year I truly show up for my body.

Financially, I’m proud of myself in ways I don’t talk about enough. After staying home with my daughter for over a year—no income, mounting bills, legal fees—I worked relentlessly to rebuild. I paid off debt, repaired my credit, created savings, and did the hard, unglamorous work of stabilizing my life.

And then… I bought my dream car.

That moment still brings tears to my eyes. Sitting in that office chair, praying quietly, asking God if this blessing was meant for me. And when I heard the word approved—I knew. That car wasn’t just transportation. It was proof of resilience, provision, and grace. I’m forever grateful.

My life is rich in so many ways: the love of my family, the unconditional joy of my daughter, new friendships, spiritual protection, and a level of awareness that keeps me grounded and guarded in this season.

And Then… There Was Love (or the Possibility of It)

I won’t recap every moment of the past few months of dating—it’s been a lot. But this connection stood out. It felt different. Easy. Intentional. Familiar in a way that felt comforting rather than chaotic.

We connected deeply. Conversation flowed effortlessly. It felt like we skipped past the surface and met somewhere more honest. I felt seen—not just for my appearance, but for who I am. That mattered to me.

I knew there was pain there—healing in progress. And I carry my own history too. But there was mutual understanding. A shared softness. And for once, I allowed myself to be open without overthinking it.

I didn’t expect the connection to end so quickly.

Plans were made. Communication shifted. And then… silence. The kind that makes you question yourself, even when you know better. Eventually, the answer came—not out of malice, but out of reality. Distance, time, priorities. He chose not to move forward because he didn’t feel able—or willing—to show up in the way a relationship would require.

What hurt wasn’t the honesty. It was the finality. The lack of conversation before the decision was made. Because from where I stood, there was potential—something worth discussing, even if the outcome stayed the same.

Still, I respect the clarity.

And I’m choosing not to sit in limbo or question my worth. I won’t wait around wondering why I wasn’t chosen. I was. Just not in the way that aligned long-term.

Choosing Myself (Again)

Every time something like this happens, I feel the urge to harden—to shut down, to care less. But that’s not who I am. I care deeply. I want love. I want partnership, romance, and connection.

Just not at the cost of my peace.

So for now, I’m pressing pause. Hinge is deleted—not paused, not muted—deleted. I need space to refocus, to recentre myself, and to continue healing without constantly inviting people in who aren’t meant to stay.

This first quarter of the year is about me. My body. My energy. My growth. Maybe even a physical change or two—because why not?

If love finds me in real life, organically, when I’m ready—I’ll welcome it with an open heart.

Closing Mantra

“I don’t chase what isn’t choosing me. I honor what came, release what couldn’t stay, and trust that what’s meant for me will meet me where I am—without hesitation.”