With this year coming to a screeching end, I’ve been taking time to reflect. When I look back, there are a few major takeaways that have marked significant growth in my healing journey.
At the very top of that list is learning how to protect my peace.
There are many people still deeply simulated into the “matrix,” and I’ve come to understand that I live outside of it. Because of that, I have to move differently. When people choose to live their lives a certain way, it’s not my responsibility to correct them or to see their choices as “wrong.”
Let me reframe that.
It’s not that they are living life wrong and I am living life right — it’s that there is a noticeable difference in character between those who move through life with self-awareness and those who do not.
The Power of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, values, and motivations — and how they affect both yourself and others. (Heavy emphasis on the others.)
Both parts matter. They go hand in hand.
When someone consistently plays the victim and remains unaware of how they treat others or how they come across, respectful interaction becomes impossible. People who lack self-awareness often move from a place of selfishness or self-centeredness. They fail to see how their actions — or lack thereof — impact those around them. And when conflict arises, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that choosing to live consciously is my choice. Not everyone around me will hold themselves to the same level of awareness that I hold myself to.
Conscious Choices & Spiritual Accountability
Now, I recognize when I’m making decisions from emotion versus intention. This is new for me. Just a few years ago, I made choices impulsively and dealt with the consequences however they unfolded.
But now, with the God I serve and the higher vibration I operate from, I reap what I sow quickly. Because of that, I choose never to move with malicious intent — no negativity, ill will, or anger. I know that energy will return to me, and I will have to sit with the consequences of my actions.
That’s why being mindful of who I allow into my space matters so deeply to me.
When I can’t fully control who I’m around, I shift my perspective and remember the one thing I can control: myself.
My emotions. My reactions (or lack thereof). How I carry myself. Who and what gets access to my energy.
I can exist in a space and not allow a single person access to me. That is the art — and mystery — of energy protection.
Recalling My Energy
As an empath, this year taught me a hard truth: I feel others’ energy more intensely than my own at times — and I can’t allow that to overpower me.
Recalling my energy has become a non-negotiable practice. Once I choose to let someone into my life, I am also allowed to call my energy back just as quickly. I’ve learned not to take that personally.
Recalling my energy is a form of protection — especially when I’ve given more than I’ve received, or when someone shows me who they are the first time. I don’t wait for a second demonstration.
The subtlety of this lesson is important: recalling your energy doesn’t mean treating people differently. The most powerful version of this boundary is often undetected. You can still be kind, engaged, and present — without overextending yourself.
Rediscovering My Voice
This year also revealed something surprising to me: I’m not actually an introvert.
I labeled myself that way as a child to avoid being seen. I learned to be quiet, shy, reserved — a people pleaser who stayed silent to avoid rocking the boat. I buried my thoughts and opinions to keep the peace.
As I’ve healed those parts of myself, I’ve discovered that I actually love to yap. I love to be seen. I believe what I have to say carries meaning and has the power to impact others for the better.
I still hold sacred parts of myself close — especially when meeting new people — and I only open them when I feel safe. That’s not withdrawal; that’s discernment.
Maturity, Dating, & Discernment
At the core of it all, this year taught me that I must choose peace over proving a point. Maturity isn’t about reacting — it’s about knowing when to withdraw without hardening.
There’s a TikTok trend going around where people share their dating history from 2025. And honestly? Mine looks a little sad-girl coded:
48 hidden matches/conversations
23 conversations waiting on them to respond
1 conversation waiting on me
Zero dates
Zero situationships
Zero hookups
12 men who got my number… and nothing came of it Still celibate Still single
And yet — I’m okay with that.
Each failed talking stage brings me closer to understanding what I truly want and reinforces my commitment to boundaries. Dating apps offer plenty of attention, but very little real connection.
I’ll always be a lover girl. I’ll always be a hopeless romantic. But I’ve learned to let men show me who they are without pushing, parenting, or performing for them.
I now understand the difference between:
Availability vs. intention
Attention vs. alignment
Carrying This Wisdom Into 2026
What I carry into 2026 is discernment over defense. Curiosity without urgency. Embodiment over performance. Alignment over attention.
2026 feels like an overflow year — I can feel it, and in many ways, I’ve already seen it.
So I move forward carrying the lessons, choosing love, light, and compassion — for myself above all. I’ve never been this version of me before: stronger, wiser, more healed, and still beautifully figuring it out as I go.
And that is enough. ✨
Diary of a Self- Lover 
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