Mr. Twenty-Fine & the Lesson in Desire

Just as Mr. Twenty-Fine walked in, I think he’s walking right back out.

Let me explain…

The Match That Sparked It All

I get a notification of a new match — it’s him. Mr. Twenty-Fine. He’s 25 (if you didn’t catch that), and I’m thirty, flirty, and thriving!

We start chatting, and things feel easy. The messages are consistent, the energy light. But one thing about me — I hate small talk. I want to know your deep dark secrets, what turns you on, your goals, your fears, how you’re healing your trauma. Because let’s be real — we all have it, and it takes real work to grow beyond it.

Early Signs I Overlooked

We talk about what brought us to the Hinge app. I tell him I’ve been on a long healing journey, mostly working and staying to myself, but I’m ready to open up again to dating. Then I ask if me being a mom and a little older is a dealbreaker.

His response? “If it’s okay with you?” and something vague about being busy. It didn’t really answer my question, but I brushed it off.

When I asked what he does to unwind, he said he loves fitness and cooking — points for that. And I’ll admit it: the man looks good. Muscular, confident, sexy. Then he hits me with, “We can do some cardio together,” quickly followed by “joking.” But that was his vibe check — to see how far I’d go.

And yes, I fell into it.

When Flirtation Took the Wheel

I flirted back: “Don’t tempt me with a good time. I’ve been celibate for three years — think you can be the one to break it?”

From there, it went from zero to spicy real fast. But later, I tried to shift the energy and asked what brought him to the app.

His answer?

“I don’t mind that you’re older. I’m open to seeing where things go, but I don’t mind some long-term fun either.”

Translation: he wanted something casual.

And honestly, he was transparent. He told me what it was — I just ignored it because I felt a spark.

We talked every day, all day, while he was at work and me too. He gave me just enough emotional connection to keep me hooked. Looking back, it was mirroring — he reflected my openness, not his own depth. When I shifted from flirty to real, his energy faded.

That’s when clarity hit.

The Lesson Beneath the Lust

Was I upset? Not at all. He showed me exactly where he stood — and in doing that, he showed me where I still had more healing to do.

Flirty talk wasn’t feeding my spirit anymore. I’m a spiritual baddie with a sensual side, and this was a test. In my younger days, I would’ve jumped in without hesitation. But now, as a woman who’s healing and evolving, I had to pause and ask:

Why was I so willing to end my celibacy for him?

Was it loneliness? Desire? Shame? Guilt?

That’s when I started unpacking what celibacy and abstinence really mean.

Celibacy vs. Abstinence

Celibacy

Celibacy is a conscious choice to refrain from sexual activity for an extended or indefinite period of time — often rooted in spiritual or emotional healing. It’s not just “not having sex”; it’s about reclaiming your energy, gaining self-mastery, and deepening clarity. Celibacy can be a vow, or a season of restoration and alignment.

Abstinence

Abstinence, on the other hand, is more temporary — a purposeful pause. It’s about stepping back to reflect on desire, boundaries, and what intimacy truly means.

In short: Celibacy is a spiritual commitment. Abstinence is an intentional pause.

My Truth Today

I realized I had been trying to fit into one label or the other — just like I used to question whether I could be spiritual and sexual at the same time.

But now I know: it’s my choice.

My body, my rules.

I began this journey to reclaim my energy, power, and emotional awareness — and I’ve done that. Wanting intimacy again doesn’t mean I’ve “fallen off.” That guilty voice in my head was lying. Being spiritual and sensual can coexist.

It’s not about being “pure” — it’s about being intentional. Pleasure can be sacred, creative, and healing. I no longer fear that part of myself.

Breaking my celibacy will happen on my terms — not from distraction or temptation, but from alignment and choice.

And for that, I thank Mr. Twenty-Fine. Not for the flirtation — but for being the mirror that helped me see myself clearly again.

Now I move with intention, power, and trust — not rushing or resisting, just aligning.

Affirmation

“I’m learning that healing isn’t about denying who I am — it’s about becoming whole.”

Asé